So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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