She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
