when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
