Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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