batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
