Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
