I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize