Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
