Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
