peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
