my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
