with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
