Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
