I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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