WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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