I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
