why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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