For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
