Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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