Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We are all done wearing pants today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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