He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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