I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
