I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
