Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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