so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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