I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
