Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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