dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
