All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
