We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
