I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
