bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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