well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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