What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
