hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
