yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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