You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
