Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
