stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
bring money and cleavage
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
