I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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