hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
