his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
God, I missed his penis.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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