"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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