i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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