I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
