When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
