Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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