Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
