Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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