we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
