There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
