I love black thongs
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
